if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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