im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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