Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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