two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
