I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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