Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
