why didn't you poke me back
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
