My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
