So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
They have beer where we have blood.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
how does that bad decision feel?
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