You made me cry and you don't even care
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
