Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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