your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
