No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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