Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
