Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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