OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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