The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
