if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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