She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
