Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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