people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
