and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
