He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
