I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
