1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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