sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
