I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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