I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
