went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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