i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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