nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
