I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
