My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
