Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
