I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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