Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
