i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He passed out mid-signature
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
