You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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