Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
