the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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