Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
