I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
