Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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