I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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