Your mouth is God's brothel.
Someone shit on the floor
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
