Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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