so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
