so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
