Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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