Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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