We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
