3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's blow job season.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
