His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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